Smells Like Cabbage

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I had a medical appointment this afternoon and upon taking a seat in my designated exam room I noted there was a distinct odor in the room.  I sniffed and thought, aloud, "smells like cabbage in here."  

Dismissing that thought I looked to one side and noticed a machine that was, to say the least (literally), invasive.  It looked like a 14-inch alien probe, complete with graduated markings to let you know how...um, deep...things were getting.  I didn't see anything that looked like a 14 inch condom. I did see a lot of lube. 

And a roll of toilet paper.  

Not sure if that was for the tears or to wipe and I'm sure there were tears. Probably some considerable screaming and clenching too. Then more tears. 

  

Probably some outright bawling on the ride home with slippery butt cheeks.